Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
