something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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