i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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