Jerry, you need to find god
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
