Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
