the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
