just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
