we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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