Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
