my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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