he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
