my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
