Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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