Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My penis needs a shock collar
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
