Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
