Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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