new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize