I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
