You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sorry about my life...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
