I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
