if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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