guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
