Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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