Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
