That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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