I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
