I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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