whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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