So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
