his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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