I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
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I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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