I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
