And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
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We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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