just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
