My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
