Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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