beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Randomize
