So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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