My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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