he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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