Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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