Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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