Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
