God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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