I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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