fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I looked at my own cervix.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Randomize
