I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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