would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
