Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
