Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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