Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
