I'm lost and stupid without you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
