So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my sisters under your porch take her home
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
