She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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