I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
