We named our party play list daddy issues
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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