If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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