my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We need a shit load of segways right now
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
