nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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