Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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