I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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