Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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